A mad old satirical news site from the dawn of the Internet archived for posterity

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All the news without the kumquats

Editors

  • ChilliBear
  • Hungry Caterpillar
  • Sean the Irish Bastard
  • Spunk-Monkey
  • Winnie the Poo
  • Hoffin' Bigman
  • Helter-Skelter
  • Niloc
  • Saunders
  • Dai Laffin
  • Digger

Quintessential Quote

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.

Pick of the Best

Past Poll

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Mowlam on the sofa

Written by: Published on: 01 Jan 0001

Mowlam on the sofa

  • Mo was now all alone in the Big Brother house - SKB
  • FHM’s latest photo shoot was a BIG hit - ChilliBear
  • Mo positoned herself and waited for her back to be stabbed - SKB
  • DFS Offer: ‘Politician - FREE for first 3 years’ - Vic Blenkins
  • It’s big, white and very comfy to sit on. The sofa’s nice too. - scrumpydoode
  • An enthusiastic crowd waited patiently for Tony’s latest announcement. - ozzy
  • Jail cells are getting better these days - Top Cat
  • Mo posed wearing the new Dome pullover cover, perfect for those holes - SKB
  • Mo gets her tan from that georgous 200 watt bulb - Coaxial Cable
  • Pretty in Pink - The Bohemian
  • If I fart enough, maybe I can have this sofa to myself… - The Bohemian
  • As the room cleared, Mo began to regret her second helping of chili
  • oh dear! - mo mowlam

Flying into the sun

Written by: Published on: 01 Jan 0001

Flying into the sun

  • Shit where the F*k did that come from ! - *ChilliBear
  • Quick! Put it in reverse - La la
  • hOLIDAY IN tHE sUN - pOO
  • I knew that air traffic controller at Heathrow was full of shit - Getting rid of surplus traffic - CC
  • thats the last time i let u read the map - spinout
  • New blockade-proof Chunnel service emerges from french side of tunnel - ninelives
  • I don’t know why that song ‘Fly into the Sun’ is stuck in my head… - Sidney Taupin
  • Airline pilot regrets tailgating Concorde… - Sean the Irish Bastard
  • Is it hot in here, or is it just me? - Sidney Taupin
  • I think he is going to swerve first… bob.. hey bob… do you think he is…. - JT
  • At last we’ve found the giant Smartie! - Hungry Caterpillar
  • I knew we should have turned left at Alberquerque! - Mark
  • How many times do I have to tell you, Icarus? - Vic Blenks
  • Desperate Brits try alternative means at a suntan - Jackajack
  • Sperm go Hi-tech - Vic Blenkins
  • BAE demonstrate thier new Airbus Airbag(tm) - Bealers
  • Nothing ever happens around here… - Slinky the Dustman
  • buggar! - puffer
  • and if you look to your right you can see Bradford city playing football - scrumpydoode
  • DIP YA HEADLIGHTS YA BA**D - Wilco
  • One egg to another: - Dr Feelgood
  • Wow, I always wondered what a nuclear explosion looked like… - The Radio Active Megastar
  • Micro Machines First to Film Birth From Baby’s View - Vic Blenkins
  • Heh heh, those other sperm are lame! - Endicliche
  • I know we need some fuel but isn’t this going a little far to avoid the queues! - Will it ever end - CC
  • …in other news, Captain Kangaroo got his licence for commercial flight… - Sidney Taupin
  • Quick Dave, get the fly-swatter.. Its one of those weird looking moths again - wiggis
  • Literally flying into the sunset… - Jazza
  • umm…Blazing Saddles, that’s my favourite Cap’n.
  • See, I told You It Was A Tunnel - Vic Blenkins
  • Argh !!!! - Anthony.

Clinton on fire

Written by: Published on: 01 Jan 0001

Clinton on fire

  • Things get hot for the president again..
  • Do you smell something burning?
  • Oh my God they killed Clinton!
  • Monica’s on fire today - peteza
  • Ah.. Clinton san! I see now that you really can light a fart on fire - I bow to your western ways… CC
  • That was some curry I had last night ….. - Andy Rees
  • Can you smell something burning? - Aubaerus
  • Goodness gracious great balls of fire - Hungry Caterpillar
  • ‘In other news, Monioca Lewinsky’s beret was set ablaze today….’ - Baby J
  • “Ahh..Clinton San! Now that I see you can pee fire… you’re worthy of company.” - Sidney Taupin
  • Monica ! you’re hair is alight
  • Al Gore may be his own man, but he still can’t work out when his arse’s on fire! - Tutti-frutti
  • See?? Napalm is as effective as Sarin……… - Greg Hamilton (ghamilto@hotmail.com)
  • Friction caused by excessive masturbation ignites f*ire! - Solo
  • See?? Napalm is as effective as Sarin……… - Greg Hamilton (ghamilto@hotmail.com)*
  • Clinton’s dress-burning ceremony draws small crowd - Sid Badly
  • Do I inhale now? - Sarah Jacotine
  • Psst Bill your fires undone. - Sarah Jacotine
  • Friction caused by excessive masturbation ignites fire! - Solo
  • oh god, who lit that cigar? - m
  • Heartburn? - Sidney Taupin

George Bush and girl

Written by: Published on: 01 Jan 0001

George Bush and girl

Bush follows in Quayles footsteps.. ‘is that how you spell potato mummy?’ - LSA he farted Oh, I thought his name was Clinton! - jAcKrAbBiT sLiM The president prepared himself as ‘Miss sucky’ limbered up… - Sick fuck I’m too tired, you tell him what happened with the Dish and the Spoon. - Manic Marmoset Oh my god, the pres’dent’s dumber than I am! - Michael 808 Is he really the dickhead off the telly - simon Mummy he’s not the real Santa!!!!! - fuckin wiv ya head and he gets paid how much for the shit he does ?? - Orla the irish bitch Bush crowns Miss Arizona West - Mick mc laughlin Little girl: O my god What does he want to do? - Simon A young Miss Iowa shows the President how she won the beauty pagaent - Sick twat Monica Lewinski’s daughter limbers up for the new president! - Horny Horns The King Of Horns MOM! Daddy’s cutting funds to all the public services for his own selfish means! - Conjurer303 ouch my toe! - espionage.salad.bowl

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