The quiet lull of events in the Gulf is thanks to a successful mission, codenamed “Operation Mama” and involving Britney Spears.

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Through secret papers leaked to DFTFC via our American operative ‘Dougie B’ we have discovered that “Operation Mama” has kept Saddam Hussein at bay by his constant masturbation over Britney Spears’ now ample bust.

We spoke to Britney in an exclusive interview. She flatly (ahem!) denied that an operation to enlarge her bust had been carried out without her knowledge by secret service surgeons whilst she was in a stupor induced by American daytime TV. Britney has been quoted as saying, “…it simply isn’t true. I know when I’m awake and when I’m not and I have definitely not been asleep for at least two hours.” she followed “…I am not really blonde either, I am a real brainy chick”.

When we pointed out that one of her now rippling breasts was hanging loose from her T-shirt she said, “oops, how careless of me, I didn’t feel that.”

Ms Spears during our 'informal' interview

We tracked down one of the surgeons, Dr Matthew Amory, who told us his story: “Sure, we all had fun on that one. The operation went pretty well too. We used implants filled with saline from the Dead Sea, so they just float around a bit when she dances. We understand that some of the people in the region now consider them as holy relics, for some reason or other…”

A spokesman for Saddam Hussein told us: “Our great leader denies that his sheets are sticky, but he invites Ms Spears to a fine cocktail party where she might perhaps dance the seven veils, and partake in a little masked ball.”

The CIA denies using Ms Spears as a human shield and that they have no official interest in young Ms Spear?s ample paps. However they are interested in speaking to Ms Christina Aguilera on a matter of some urgency…