J Sainsbury PLC. announced today that it is going to slash it’s prices in an attempt to overhaul the massive lead that Tescos (it’s main rival), has built up in the UK Supermarket Industry.

DFTFC secured an exclusive interview with Dino Adriano, Sainsbury’s Chief Executive.

DFTFC: ‘So Dino, is what we hear about a price war true?’

DA: ‘I do not want to call it a price war, we have simply reduced the prices of some of our top lines in an attempt to offer the British Public the best value in the high street. If you look at our examples below, I am sure that you will agree with me that they are excellent value.’

DFTFC: ‘Bloody hell, you could say that !!!, 85Kg of beans for only 47p !!!.’

DA: ‘It is a Low Price Guaranteed Line.’

DFTFC: ‘I am not surprised. Do you realise that that is over 209 standard cans of beans.’

DA: ‘I agree that is quite a lot but we have done a massive amount of Market Research and it shows that the average British family will consume that many beans in about 11 days.’

DFTFC: ‘Remind me never to go round their house.’

DA: ‘What was that?,’

DFTFC: ‘Nothing …’

DA: ‘The single shopper or the smaller family is not left out either, you can get 42Kg of Economy Beans for 9p.’

DFTFC: ‘I must admit that this all seems excellent value but do you plan to offer anything other than beans? And how the hell do you carry 42kg of beans home.’

DA: ‘All our stores do offer a carry to car service. At the moment the offer is limited to Baked Beans but we do plan to extend it to all of our other goods soon. Whiskey at 99p a litre is my personal favourite.’

DFTFC: ‘You must be mad,’

DA: ‘Mad?, us, never Evil laugh. We will return to the top, we will rule the world and when we do all you snivelling reporters will have to bow down to me, to me I say, for we are the chosen ones……’

At this point our intrepid news hound retreated from this obvious mad man, and went to seek the opinion of Tescos. When asked what their reaction would be to this news, the Tesco’s Spokesman said that the Group would not be drawn into tit for tat product reductions, because it was “trying to bribe the great British Public, who would see this as the publicity stunt it is.” He then went on to add that if anyone wanted a new car then Tescos was in a special deal with Daewoo to provide them for only 2.99 plus 500 reward points.

So who will win?, this reporter for one hopes it is Tescos. The thought of the British Public consuming that many baked beans, and then using the confined UK Public Transport system is something not worth thinking about.